Like most single women I know, I am also fed up with what I have been experiencing in the dating scene the past few years or so. We are living in times of Stable Ambiguity, where dating is concerned:
Stable Ambiguity
“Too afraid to be alone, but unwilling to fully engage in intimacy building — a holding pattern that affirms the undefined nature of the relationship, which has a mix of comforting consistency AND the freedom of blurred lines.
We want to have our cake and eat it too. We want to have someone available to cozy-up with when it’s snowing, but if something better comes along, we want the freedom to explore.
In this relationship culture, expectations and trust are in constant question. The state of stable ambiguity inevitably creates an atmosphere where at least one person feels lingering uncertainty, and neither person feels truly appreciated or nurtured. We do this at the expense of our emotional health, and the emotional health of others.”
~Esther Perel
Meanwhile, this is not good enough for the women I know who are are absolute dream women, by the way. So, they, like me, have simply removed themselves from the ridiculousness of it all and are living their best lives without the unnecessary hurt and drama. Mediocre everything is not worth it to any of us. Not when we bring our best every time.
”Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” – not Albert Einstein
I finally realized I can’t hold on to a dream for love as long as it relies on another person. Especially not if the other people are displaying traits that are increasingly unreliable (and unattractive): indecisiveness, lack of self control, unrealistic expectations of women and what a realistic partner for themselves even looks like, cowardice, unable to make commitments, inconsistent, lack of integrity, unethical dating practices, laziness, selfishness, etc. That’s not the kind of partner that was ever a part of my dream. So, it was time to give it up. I remember the moment clearly. It was so powerful for me that I swear the other person in the room must have been able to see my life-long dream physically withdraw from my very body.
I know that the best way to get over bad habits is to replace it with healthy habits. Luckily for me, I had already found my way – in pole dancing.
Pole dancing provides almost everything lacking in dating:
Connection
While it seemed many of the people I dated were simply looking to build a harem of women to rotate through instead of something more meaningful, I found a community of strong, supportive, and beautiful women for myself! This tight-knit community brings me a sense of belonging while connected to others also striving for their best selves.
Commitment
It’s becoming increasingly more difficult to find people willing to make necessary commitments for romantic relationships but even for basic friendships. Everyone is so afraid of losing any perceived “freedoms” not realizing the greatest freedoms come from commitment itself. With our Stiletto’s classes, we have to be committed since each class builds upon each other, culminating with a performance at the end. This may be one of the best commitments I have ever made. I realize now how much I needed something to pour myself into regularly and will never avoid meaningful commitments ever again.
“Commitment gives you freedom because you’re no longer distracted by the unimportant and frivolous. Commitment gives you freedom because it hones your attention and focus, directing them toward what is most efficient at making you healthy and happy. Commitment makes decision-making easier and removes any fear of missing out; knowing that what you already have is good enough, why would you ever stress about chasing more, more, more again? Commitment allows you to focus intently on a few highly important goals and achieve a greater degree of success than you otherwise would.” ―
Date Nights
Speaking of our performance, we get to get all dolled up for that occasion. It’s like a date night but just for us girls. It is usually themed and we can dress as modest or as skimpy as we are comfortable with. And, the best part is it’s a safe and encouraging environment of complete body positivity. No more complaints about not being blonde enough, skinny enough, not young enough or busty enough. Oh no! We are all celebrated exactly as we are! And, it’s such a beautiful thing!
No Netflix and chill for this girl! I like a little romance in my life and these performance nights give me just that! Something special to look forward to!
“Romance is the glamour which turns the dust of everyday life into a golden haze. ” – Elinor Glyn
Consistency
The class is there for me when I need it. I know I can count on it being there for me, almost every day of the week. I never feel neglected with pole class. I am never left just wondering about anything. No more stable ambiguity for me! My classes are emotionally available. Talk about SEXY!
Self Growth
Just as a good relationship should encourage self growth, so does pole class! In order to be my best self in Stiletto’s Class, I have branched out to include other classes into my repertoire….body sculpting, exotic floor work, flexibility and yoga. Every class is a confidence boost as I discover I can actually do the things that may have frightened me or I didn’t think I was strong enough to do. I am learning, getting stronger, ore flexible, more self assured, and even better at my work as a boudoir photographer. So crazy! It trickles out into everything….just like when you’re falling in love or in a healthy and loving relationship!
Sensuality
I get to bask in my femininity and sensuality on my terms in these classes. It comes from within me! And, there are no apologies for letting that vixen run free. I mentioned in a prior blog post that I was hesitant to do anything too sexy since it was already such a big part of me, mostly because I had a tendency to get into trouble with it. What I’ve discovered with these classes though, is it’s a healthy outlet for all of that. I am satisfied in my sexuality, not keeping it bottled up with the danger of it just exploding anymore with unworthy releases for it.
These classes are meeting so many of my human needs and even love languages that I don’t need to bother expending my energy on the bullshit of dating now. Ironic since apparently these classes are making me even more “datable”, as I see interest has piqued. I cannot help but laugh….all the way back to the pole, my most stable and enjoyable partner yet! (Until someone of integrity and similar “mating value” whom I share connection, compatibility and chemistry with convinces me otherwise anyway. But, I’m not holding my breath for that to happen.)
I feel free! Finally free! While being more committed than ever! Happy girl over here!
Now I just have to worry about this class getting too popular and pushing me (and the regulars) out after my posts about it and all the inquiries I am getting. Eeeks! It’s a tiny class! Hope they will consider expanding or adding more classes soon. This class has been an absolute life saver for me and I hope to continue on long into the future.
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