As a single women who is beginning to wonder if I am going to be single forever, the need to meet my own needs for love and affection have become something I am very aware of. In past relationships, I would look to love languages as a guidepost of sorts in helping me to come up with ways of making my partner feel loved. But, as a single woman who still has the desire to feel loved, I found little advice in this area. So, I started considering ways of speaking my love language for nobody but ME! I figured this might be helpful for any of you who might be single too, are in relationships that are unfulfilling, are in relationships that are fulfilling but you don’t want to bog your partner down with all of the responsibility of making you happy, but also for any of you who have a boudoir session scheduled. Feeling good about yourself during your session only stands to make your photos that much better, while basking in your femininity and confidence as a woman. Sure, the boudoir session alone can help with that, but practicing good self care prior will make it so much better!
To see what your love language is, take this QUIZ.
Words of Affirmation
This one always registers at the top for me. The others are pretty equally balanced, strangely enough. Some of the ways I feed my soul with this one, aside from the kindness of strangers and friends, are:
- Loving kindness meditations
This has been one of the most powerful things I’ve ever done to fill my heart with love for not only myself, but for the whole planet. I highly suggest doing this leading up to your boudoir session, especially the morning of. I do it before your session actually, too! I want nothing but positive energy directed towards you during your shoot and that really helps tap into my empathy for my clients each and every time.
- Daily affirmations
- Correcting negative self talk as it happens
Show yourself compassion with your self-talk
- Keep a list of kudos, compliments. etc directed towards you from others and refer back to it when you need a boost
- Sleep Stories by CALM app
I adore falling asleep to the sleep story on this app by leona lewis that’s a sweet story with a self-love theme. It knocks me out though so I’ve never made it to the ending. Ha! But, I feel comforted and less alone falling asleep to a soothing voice next to me (on my iPhone). The Matthew McConaughey one there is another favorite.
I was reminded how important this is when I found myself feeling thrilled at a couple of impromptu moments to slow dance with strangers throughout the past year. It felt amazing to be held by someone stronger and more knowledgable about the dance we were doing. And, of course, it was super sexy to let someone else take control for a change and just relax into their lead. It got me to thinking of other ways I can incorporate touch into my life.
- Partnered dancing
Bachata lessons are next on my list!
- Asking for more hugs
- Getting affection from pets
I never pass up an opportunity to play with a dog!
- Brazilian Jiu Jitsu
- Add sensual things to touch in your home
With the advent of social media, I find it more important than ever to be aware of how I am spending my time. Facebook can be a time sucker and is not exactly how I would prefer to be spending my personal time, outside of work. So, I have to be especially mindful about what I can spend my time on that will bring me joy and growth.
- Morning rituals
I mentioned the loving kindness meditation, but I also like to read a daily reflections book on erotic and emotional intelligence while having my coffee. That book is titled, Mirror of Intimacy: Daily Reflections on Emotional and Erotic Intelligence by Alexandra Katehakis, if you’re interested.
- Mindfulness Practice
- Devoting time to interests
I’ve recently taken up learning golf. I’m horrible at it but that ensures I will have a lifetime to spend on getting better at something that is fun and challenging. I make sure to practice weekly.
- Schedule time with friends
So important to nurture these relationships.
Acts of Service
The key to this one, and probably the others too, is to be extra mindful that you are doing them all as an act of self love. Open your heart up to yourself and know that you deserve to be pampered and feel good.
- Bubble baths
- Enjoy a day at the spa
Even if you don’t get services, you can make use of the utilities like the steam room, etc.
- Healthy Meal Prep for the week
- Spring Clean your home
Or spend some time organizing and folding your clothes the KonMari Method way.
- Find a workout you love and stick to it
Yoga, walking and cycling seem the most healing and therapeutic so far for me but being active in and of itself will always make you feel good.
- Honor your erotic side
Take a pole dance class or learn burlesque! These moves and the resulting attitude will help with posing in your boudoir session, by the way. Yoga will too though.
If you’re doing a boudoir session, there’s gift number 1, whether someone gifted it to you or you got it for yourself. What I love about boudoir sessions is that they seem to incorporate all of the love languages at once! So amazing!
- Go on a trip
Whether it be a week long solo or a weekend girls trip, experiencing new places can be one of the best gifts to yourself ever. They fill you with wonder for the world around us, giving you curiosity and a boost to your creativity. And, you come back refreshed and inspired.
- Buy that pair of sexy shoes you’ve had your eye on finally
- Spruce up your wardrobe with pieces you absolutely love
- Buy yourself flowers
This is one of my favorite things to do when I need a little inexpensive boost. Such a sweet thing to do for yourself.
- Book that boudoir shoot already
There’s no time like the present to celebrate YOU!