Not too long ago, I posted about how to practice self care with love languages but I wanted to dive a little deeper into keeping our sensuality alive more as women to feel more beautifully vibrant.
I recently answered a questionnaire that Esther Perel put out in which she asked about things people are wanting to explore sensually, sexually or erotically. This was an interesting question for me since I do not have a partner to explore with, so I answered that I’m most interested in learning how to keep the erotic alive in my own life as a single woman, even if I end up staying single my whole life while not having casual experiences. It’s not a challenge for me to feel sexy, sensual or erotic really. I do know how to tap into that part of me quite easily. That’s actually a big part of my identity. The real challenge for me is not getting into trouble because of it. Ha! Modern dating culture does not offer me the opportunity to go deep enough with anyone to have the type of intimacy I want and need. Until that changes, I can only try to keep my sensuality alive in a way that I can grow from and that doesn’t hinder me. So, really I think the dilemma for me is staying in touch with it in healthy ways that don’t cause me to make bad choices. But, back to the Esther questionnaire….to my surprise, a few days after I answered that question she posted an article on this topic that I wanted to share with you all so that you can be sure to incorporate erotic self-care into your lives as well.
Her book Mating in Captivity is an excellent read, too.
Because I am single, it’s important to me to really stay in touch with what brings me pleasure, what my desires are, and what I want or need from a lover so that when I do find someone worthy to go deep with, I will be better prepared. A lot of it for me, of course, comes from the uniqueness and novelty of being in a couple and being seen, valued and adored by another. There is simply no comparison to that for me. Discovering things together. Exploring and learning about one another. But, we can sometimes lose ourselves in pleasing others and forget about our own needs. And, there is so much we need to learn about ourselves as women to help others know how to please us.
How I honor my erotic side:
- Reading. Informational and inspiring books on sexuality or sensuality along with a bit of erotica.
- Having a rich inner fantasy life.
- Dancing! Never say no to a dance and look for ways of bringing more of it into my life.
- The arts and being creative.
- Sensual things like bubble baths and other self-care rituals.
- Buying flowers for myself and arranging them into a beautiful display that is nice to look at and scents my home in a delicious way.
- Being active. Getting my blood pumping.
- Getting all dolled up. Putting effort into looking good makes me feel sexier.
- Sexy selfies – even if just for my eyes only. Boudoir sessions help with this too, by the way!
- Collecting and wearing gorgeous lingerie.
- The breath work and slow movements of yoga.
- Deep conversations. Feeling truly connected to others.
- Learning new things.
- Exiting my comfort zone.
- Being vulnerable.
- Music. Specifically slow-tempo, sultry and haunting type songs that get me in a sexy mood. Here’s a playlist of songs I curated for this, in case you want to listen along…
What are things you do that keep this side of you alive and vibrant?
A few resources for you, aside from Esther’s amazing work that I have found insightful….
The Goop Lab on Netflix –
“Going from real vulvas to true vulnerability, Gwyneth and the team plunge into the topic of women’s pleasure, guided by sex educator Betty Dodson.”
This episode actually made me tear up a little. It did such an excellent job in showing women in a realistic, body-positive way that we are so rarely exposed to. You’ll gain a new appreciation for your body, sexuality and women after watching this.
Book: Come as You Are
“An essential exploration of why and how women’s sexuality works—based on groundbreaking research and brain science—that will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joy.”
Book: The Wild Woman’s Way
“Discover how to create and enjoy a pleasure-filled and meaningful life with this practical tantra handbook for the high-achieving modern woman.”
Book: Urban Tantra
“Celebrating the 10th anniversary of Urban Tantra, acclaimed sex educator Barbara Carrellas radically updates the ancient practice of Tantra for modern sexual explorers desiring to discover new frontiers.”
Book: Mirror of Intimacy
Mirror of IntimacyMirror of Intimacy: Daily Reflections on Emotional and Erotic Intelligence By Alexandra Katehakis and Tom Bliss
“This award-winning book is for anyone with a desire for more loving relationships and greater self-love. Mirror of Intimacy contains a year’s worth of daily reflections that explore and support the range of human sexualities as a divine gift and a human right.”
Book: The Erotic Mind
The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment by Jack Morin
“Challenging accepted theories about what makes for terrific sex, The Erotic Mind is a breakthrough exploration of the least understood dimensions of human sexuality—the psychology of desire, arousal, and fulfillment. Nationally known sex therapist Dr. Jack Morin offers a bold new perspective that celebrates the joys of Eros without denying its risks.”
Audiobook: Shakti Meditations
“Creation and Transformation through the Divine Feminine. Everything new that comes into our lives – every change that unfolds – emerges out of Shakti, the universal force of creation and transformation. Shakti Meditations provides an immediate way to experience the many gifts of this divine feminine power. Taught by expert meditation teacher Sally Kempton, these guided inner practices use India’s goddesses of yoga as gateways for discovering and inviting the many dimensions of Shakti.”
“Short and sexy audio stories. Audio stories and experiences that are real, elevated, and feminist.” You can find the Dipsea app right here.
Would love to hear what resources and ideas you find helpful that focus on female sexuality, sensuality and eroticism. And, let me know if you read any of these books. I’d love to know what your thoughts are on them!